Election Week Trauma

Last week was rough.

I managed to stay pretty calm and compartmentalized until about 2 AM on Wednesday when I woke up panicking.  As it became clear that election day was not the blue wave of my fantasies--and instead reminded me of waking up to the news that Trump had, against all expectations, won in 2016--my panic grew until all I could think was, “We’re all gonna die.” This thought was accompanied by visions of violent fascist destruction of everything good and kind.  

No joke, it sounds over the top, but this was the reality my mind and body were living in last Wednesday.  I remained in this state of terror until my therapist finally said, “That’s your trauma talking, not an accurate representation of where you actually are right now.” Seeing as how that’s the story of my life, you’d think I’d know better.  But it’s really easy these days for trauma to kick in and not be recognized because there are so many bad things actually happening.  It’s harder to separate an internal trauma response from actual threats in the environment.

Whether it’s trauma from the 2016 election, trauma of the past year (yes, we’ve been traumatized by our own government), or completely unrelated trauma from years ago, when your sympathetic nervous system perceives a threat, it all becomes fair game.  Your defense mechanisms are trying to keep you safe by accessing every traumatic thing that ever happened to get you to protect yourself.  Initially, this is a healthy survival mechanism.  But when multiple traumas become compounded without enough processing, it can make for some very stressful moments that aren’t actually a reflection of the reality around you. 

Once I could start working with what I was feeling as a trauma response instead of an actual fascist invasion, things eased up.  It still wasn’t fun, but at least I was working with something I knew and understood, something I had tools for.  I don’t have tools for controlling the population of America to vote the way I think it should.  But I do have tools for working with trauma responses and panic. Identifying the trauma response was an important first step. After that, I could apply various tools as needed. 

Everybody’s tools are going to be different, and it’s important to work with a trusted therapist in coming up with your personal set of tools, but here are some examples of what helped me calm down and relocate myself in reality last week:

Breathing exercises: one of my favorites is inhaling for 5, holding for 2, and releasing for 6-8 counts.  Find the counts that work best for you, just make sure the exhale is longer than the inhale.  Another one is inhaling and exhaling for equal counts, visualizing the breath moving up one side of my body on the inhale, and down the other side on the exhale.

Movement: dancing, walking, holding hands with someone and swinging your arms back and forth...Listening to your body--which I know is kind of a self-care marketing catch phrase, but sometimes it can be helpful to feel for any healthy impulses telling you to move a certain way, or make a certain sound, or laugh, or cry...It helps to drop the storyline around what is making you feel bad and just think of it as energy trying to get out of your body.  Your body can sometimes offer clear directives on how to dispel that energy, and it doesn’t really matter if it makes sense or not.  For example, if you feel an impulse to roar like a lion while stomping your feet really hard, do it.  Self-consciousness be damned, cuz you got a nervous system to soothe.

Connecting: with a trusted therapist who knows your stuff is helpful.  Friends and family can also be helpful, more so if they understand how trauma and anxiety affect you.  Also, if you do the Higher Power thing, in whatever context or manifestation, USE IT.  Call on Spirit, G*d, Godx, gurus, Dr Fauci, who or whatever you believe in for presence and support.  When you’re feeling overwhelmed, there’s nothing better than being able to say, “This is so beyond my paygrade, but I know YOU got this.”   

Being outside: this has been a big help throughout this year, going or looking outside at the natural world around me--still humming along as it should, regardless of the chaos going down in my nervous system. If nature doesn’t do it for you, hang out with a pet.  Fur babies are the best stress-reducers.       

EMDR and EFT:  These deserve whole, well-researched blogs unto themselves, but if you are working with a good therapist who knows about EMDR or EFT, discuss it with them.  I’ve had good results with both.   

And this gentle reminder:  you are not weak, you are not losing it.  Panic, anxiety, dread, worst-case-scenarios, depression...it all makes sense after the year we’ve had.  Don’t beat yourself up if things get hairy, even after your candidate wins.  It can feel pretty bad and out of control at times, but remember that it’s all based in our bodies and nervous systems trying to protect us.  Assess your actual environment for any danger--if there is some (like an assclown without a mask), adjust accordingly (get away from the assclown).  If there isn’t any immediate danger, then focus on soothing those defense mechanisms.  

One image that helps me feel more compassionate towards acute anxiety is that of a crying baby.  There’s nothing actually wrong, the baby is just overwhelmed, probably overtired and not used to this big, intense world.  The baby just needs to be convinced by an infinitely patient physical presence that, even though it’s tiny and powerless and has no idea what all this sensory input means, ALL IS WELL.  

That’s us right now, a bunch of worn out babies needing to be held and soothed.  If you’re dealing with trauma or prone to excessive anxiety, I encourage you to focus on that image rather than getting caught up in the what-ifs and what-comes-nexts? Prioritize self-care--find the tools, people, images, ideas that help you self-regulate (reduce anxiety and return to normal functioning).  This kind of self-care isn’t as easy as Instagram would have you think--it can take a little effort, since trauma isn’t as widely understood as it should be.  But it is essential, and you deserve it.