What's My Metaphor?

I’m submitting my second book to agents right now. It’s kind of painful.  Not as painful as the first time, when I couldn’t do it at all so my mom had to do it.  It’s been almost 15 years since those first submissions.  The world has changed.  A lot. But I still feel like Oliver Twist:  “Please Sir, could I have a book deal?”  

I’m trying to figure out how to connect submitting to agents with the ongoing memoir quest.  At some point, if I actually write this memoir, I’ll have to submit it to an agent and say, “Here, take my life and tell me if it’s marketable.”  If they say no, does that mean my experience and heart are worthless? Of course not.  But…(shrug).

Probably people in the biz would say you can’t be so sensitive.  Or else they would say YES!  OW!  IT EFFING HURTS!  THAT’S WHY WE WRITE.  I don’t know, I haven’t talked to them all.  But I do wonder why it’s so hard to be a creative in this world.

Maybe that’s where I’ll make the connection.  A couple weeks ago I was trying to find the right metaphor for my memoir--like Glennon Doyle’s cheetah, right?  So, cheetah taken...How about an iceberg?  By which I mean the metaphor of thaw.  Thawing from the frozen state of trauma.  I actually really like this one, but feel like it already belongs to many people.  Culturally, there are so many people recognizing their own trauma responses to the world we have created.  BIPOC, LGBTQIA, and pretty much every person who thinks and feels and just lived through a pandemic while the world burned.  

Is it proper use of irony to note that the world is burning while I attempt to thaw? But no, I’m not going to claim thawing for myself.  I need a different metaphor, no less flammable, to add to the greater inferno of trauma melt.  Also, lets keep those icebergs nice and frozen. The faster we thaw our trauma, the better equipped we’ll be to put put out the damaging fires.

In the meantime, I continue to wrench open my rib cage for agents who may or may not be interested in taking on my heart and dreams and inspiration and healing modality.  In order to put a monetary value on all of the above and try to hit some kind of best seller status.  For any future agents out there checking me out via my blog, don’t worry.  I am only partially embittered and resentful.  I also realize this is my mindset, and I am responsible for it.  How have I internalized capitalism?  How can I disembody it so that I continue to believe in creativity, regardless of who buys and sells it?  How can I encourage others to do the same? How can I create a mini culture of working together and valuing each other, regardless of Amazon? (Which, btw, is a main theme of my latest book CODY SELTZER AND THE CREEPING SHADOWS).  

What is the metaphor that most represents this effort?

Still not sure.  See you next week.