Note to Self (aka Privileged White Person)

The culture of no fault perfection is part of the power edifice and it's gotta go.  You don't get more blatantly wrong than the oppression caused by white supremacy, so stop denying it by pretending you have all the answers and you're on the right side of things all the time.  We fucked up.  We continue to fuck up.  Big time.  Admitting it is the starting point.  Then pause in that.  Actually feel it and know it before you start rushing into solutions. As guilt-ridden and awful as that feels, and as badly as you want to fix it to make all the bad feels go away--it's not about you and your feelings.  You have to just hold it.  Not that you can't take action or speak up--you have to do that too.  But part of this is owning what you've done wrong--pausing long enough to deconstruct it and understand the depth and sprawl of it, the ways you’ve blinded yourself to it, the ways it has been a part of your life and mind until now--and holding all of that while also stepping back to allow those you’ve wronged the same space of truth, justice, and safety that you’ve enjoyed your whole life.  Yes, it's a lot.  Yes, it's hard.  Tough shit. It's time to evolve.  I'm not saying it has to be perfectly done. That's the whole point.  You have to own your very fuckedupness, without descending into guilt and self-loathing.  Only then can you start to make it better.