Always Begin with the Joy!

Hi!  Welcome to my first blog entry!  As a writer and a public speaker, I tend to talk a lot about what might seem like “heavy” stuff. Loss and grief and violence and all the things that cause trauma. I talk about what trauma can do to kids (and grown-ups), which includes even more“heavy” stuff like numbness and depression and anxiety and flashbacks...

 Seriously HEAVY, right?

 Wrong.

 And here’s why:

 Because once we start talking about these things, and learning how to work with them, they can be transformed.

 Into healing, connection, empathy, community, and joy.

 Yes. JOY!!

 It may seem hard to believe but I know it from my own experience.

 I spent years and years dealing with all of my personal trauma by not feeling it, by using two thirds of my energy to keep it “parked” and ignored, so that I could pretend it wasn’t affecting my anymore. But the nature of trauma is such that a negative event or experience overwhelms your body, mind, and spirit so that your system as a whole can’t process it.  SO, while I thought I was managing it, I was really just sustaining this state of stuckness, of not processing or moving forward. While I didn’t feel the scary, “heavy” stuff, I also didn’t feel much inspiration, connection, or joy either.  

 After about 20 years in this state of stuckness, I finally worked up the courage to face the trauma I was carrying around with me.  I found the right therapists and support to help me, and although it wasn’t easy, I did it (with a lot of help, because connection to other humans is essential to healing).  And guess what I discovered? 

 The joy. The world became magical again, and I remembered that I was part of that magic and always had been. Even when I was numbed out and hiding away because trauma had sent my spirit into retreat, I was part of the magic. Just because I couldn’t feel it didn’t mean it wasn’t true.   

 Trauma can feel heavy…very heavy at times, there’s no denying that.  But it is not the opposite of joy. It can be an opportunity to reach out, get help, connect, and learn a sense of self and a worldview that is big enough, dynamic enough, and loving enough to handle anything that life throws your way.  It is an opportunity to reconnect to true joy (as demonstrated by the photo of my nephew above).  

 Still skeptical? Then come back and read more of my blog posts.  Come to a workshop. Read a story. Write a story. Talk to someone. Listen to someone.  Hug an animal or a person. Hug yourself. I can’t heal your trauma or make the scars go away, but I can reassure you that the power for healing is within you, and that we can live with scars and still feel plenty of joy.     

 In closing, and in the name of joy, I offer you a prompt one of the kids came up with in a recent (not-so-heavy) writing workshop.  I encourage you to respond in detail below:

If you were going to design a pizza after yourself, what would be on it and what would each of those ingredients represent?